That depends...will you be mad at me if I go out for the Chinese meal I had my heart set on but end up choosing pizza instead?
I know why you might be asking this question. The majority of women who hire doulas are hoping to avoid interventions in their births (that was definitely my goal), so it makes sense that many of us would set a high expectation for ourselves, and we might worry that the people who will be with us at the birth could feel a bit, well, judgey of us, as we might be of ourselves. Maybe you have even heard stories of doulas who walked out on their client when she chose medical pain relief!
You definitely want someone with you who will stick with you through thick and thin. I can only guess why some doulas would walk away. Maybe they get their hearts set on your birth hopes even more than you do! Maybe they had a bad experience with a birth intervention, and they haven't fully worked through their own feelings about it enough to stick around through what they feel could turn into another negative experience. Whatever the case may be, you don't deserve to have someone else's emotional mess dumped on your head at a moment when you need affirmation that you are doing your best for your baby and you.
My job, as a doula, is to be sure you understand the following things about each and every procedure that you will have- whether you plan it in advance, or whether it surprises you at the time of your birth. Here are some questions to ask and things everyone should understand and accept:
-What are the risks of this procedure or medication?
-What are the benefits?
-What alternatives are there?
-What would happen if I chose not to go through with it?
It's a lot to process, and in case you forget to ask some of these questions of your care provider, you will need someone you trust to help you remember them, and to get that vital information from your care team.
So, do you notice what is NOT present in all of those questions? It's judgment. Judgment has no place in anything that a doula does. Your doula is not in YOUR body having YOUR baby, so if your plan changes course, it is not reason to walk away. The job isn't over till your beautiful baby is with you!
I hope you will be able to get the birth you wish, but if your ideal plan needs some modification, I shall detour with you. I know you will still need support, particularly if you don't know much about the procedure that is happening now, or what will happen next. Some of us need more support, especially if we really did not want the procedures that are now needed! You need to know your team has your back, without any judgment whatsoever.
Find a team you trust; then find a doula who will support you in your choices. That is the gist of it!
(And, I'm sorry if I have now made you want to go get some pizza.)
I know why you might be asking this question. The majority of women who hire doulas are hoping to avoid interventions in their births (that was definitely my goal), so it makes sense that many of us would set a high expectation for ourselves, and we might worry that the people who will be with us at the birth could feel a bit, well, judgey of us, as we might be of ourselves. Maybe you have even heard stories of doulas who walked out on their client when she chose medical pain relief!
You definitely want someone with you who will stick with you through thick and thin. I can only guess why some doulas would walk away. Maybe they get their hearts set on your birth hopes even more than you do! Maybe they had a bad experience with a birth intervention, and they haven't fully worked through their own feelings about it enough to stick around through what they feel could turn into another negative experience. Whatever the case may be, you don't deserve to have someone else's emotional mess dumped on your head at a moment when you need affirmation that you are doing your best for your baby and you.
My job, as a doula, is to be sure you understand the following things about each and every procedure that you will have- whether you plan it in advance, or whether it surprises you at the time of your birth. Here are some questions to ask and things everyone should understand and accept:
-What are the risks of this procedure or medication?
-What are the benefits?
-What alternatives are there?
-What would happen if I chose not to go through with it?
It's a lot to process, and in case you forget to ask some of these questions of your care provider, you will need someone you trust to help you remember them, and to get that vital information from your care team.
So, do you notice what is NOT present in all of those questions? It's judgment. Judgment has no place in anything that a doula does. Your doula is not in YOUR body having YOUR baby, so if your plan changes course, it is not reason to walk away. The job isn't over till your beautiful baby is with you!
I hope you will be able to get the birth you wish, but if your ideal plan needs some modification, I shall detour with you. I know you will still need support, particularly if you don't know much about the procedure that is happening now, or what will happen next. Some of us need more support, especially if we really did not want the procedures that are now needed! You need to know your team has your back, without any judgment whatsoever.
Find a team you trust; then find a doula who will support you in your choices. That is the gist of it!
(And, I'm sorry if I have now made you want to go get some pizza.)
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